Wish upon a star... (:
>2005-12-13 - 12:47 a.m.
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
And now it's too late to hold you
'Cause you've flown away
So far away
Never had I imagined
Living without your smile
Feeling and knowing you hear me
It keeps me alive
Alive
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Darling, I never showed you
Assumed you'd always be there
I took your presence for granted
But I always cared
And I miss the love we shared
And I know you're shining down on me from heaven
Like so many friends we've lost along the way
And I know eventually we'll be together
One sweet day
Although the sun will never shine the same
I'll always look to a brighter day
Lord I know when I lay me down to sleep
You will always listen as I pray
Sorry I never told you
All I wanted to say
There's actually nothing that I wished I had told my mom before she left, but sometimes when I'm sitting on the bus on the way home I just wish that my mom would there when I open the door and that we could spend time together again, just hanging out together, watching a show together, going on a holiday. I just wish I could hear her voice and her laughter again, see her smile.. I wish she didn't have to go through so much pain before she left. How I wish she could be there on my wedding day and walk me down the aisle.. and guide me along when I raise my children.. be there when I graduate from university.
On the day when my mom passed away we had brought her back home from the hospital and laid her on her own bed.. And she had to use an oxygen mask cos she wasn't breathing too well. And me and her sister and my sisters sat around the bed..listening to her breathing. A few times it would stop for a long while and I would get scared and I would call out, "Ma", and she would go "Mm". She was semi-conscious then. And it just reminded me of the days when I used to sleep with her..and when she was sleeping I would blackmail her into making promises..hahaha. It would go something like that:
Me: "Ma"
Mummy: "Mm."
Me: "Can you buy me a big house?"
Mummy: "Mm."
Me: "Promise?"
Mummy: "Mmm."
And my mom and I agreed that the houses down Mountbatten Rd were really nice. So I always told her that one day when I'm rich I'll buy one of the houses there and she could come to live with us. I even wrote that on the birthday card I made for her this year..And I remember she cried when she read it. On the front of the card I drew a woman that was meant to look like her - wearing fish net stockings and some other clothes that I can't recall now..and she was lifting up this bar with weights on both sides that looked really heavy..and there were muscles popping out on her arms.. haha. And she really did wear fishnet stockings. And of course she looked great in them (: haha..my funky mother. She never gave me any curfews..as long as I called when I was coming back late.. Sometimes she would randomly give me money and ask me to go shopping.. And I still remember this year she bought me my most expensive birthday present ever.. the evenstar pendant from lotr.. And I still remember how she looked in her coffin.. Like snow white. Haha. She had all these flowers around her..and she was holding this pretty bouquet in her hand.
My wishlist this Christmas? To know how my mom's doing up there (: